Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I hope this letter finds you well, and I hope Mrs. Claus's gout is better.

I understand you solved your labor problems with the International Brotherhood of Dwarfs, Elves, Midgets and Trolls without having to import scab Trolls from Iceland. I know the last thing you want to produce is inferior Play Stations.

Santa, I have been better than normal this year. I know you have a hard time believing it, but I have not shot anyone, and have not cussed out too many people.

As a matter of fact Santa, I have been somewhat a benefit to my community performing a number of weddings without screwing up too many times.....I was even called upon to perform a funeral which, well, if I don't have to do another one in 2019,2020, 2021 well, that's okay by me. You don't know stress until you say the last words over someone.

With those things in mind my Christmas list is as follows.

- World Peace, a White Christmas, the end to illnesses.......Like you have a meteorological, medical or a doctorate from the Fletcher School of Diplomacy. But I have to ask to avoid looking so mercenary.

- I no longer want a Land Rover or a Jaguar vehicle. We have been to the UK a couple of times in the last few years and you often see vehicles of those makes with the hood ( bonnet as they say) up....That said, if you come over a 1957 MG A 1500 in Spruce Green, well, I would look good tooling around town in it.

- As always, I am a fan of cash. I will take American Dollars, British Pounds, Euros, Swiss Francs, Canadian Dollars.....I would in a pinch take other currency.

- A large bag of pecans. Oh I know it might be easier for you to bring me bars of gold considering the price of pecans now.

- Finally, it brings me to what I really would like. Airline tickets. I would prefer the UK or Ireland, but just about anyplace in Europe, New Zealand, Hong Kong, Japan, or Canada would work.

Once again, I hope this finds you well. And I am glad to hear all of your sexual harassment lawsuits have been settled.

Yours truly,

Kerry