Okay South Jasper County, Please.....Actually, I Won't Be Nice

 Hell, I am not even going to be nice.

My brother won his race for District Attorney of the 33rd/424th District of the Hill Country. That's Burnet, Blanco, San Saba, and Llano Counties. 

There is no opponent in the general election in November. 

So, don't go to Marble Falls and kill someone......

Don't go start a meth lab in Johnson City. 

Or what I really expect you to do, kill 47 deer one night in Llano County with a headlight and a .22. 

Don't be calling me for help. 

Hell, 16 year old me thought first thing, "Man, I need to borrow a BMW and drive Hwy 29 west of Llano at 2AM to see if I can hit 180mph."

66 year old me snapped and thought, " Nope, you'll flip it about 22 times and next thing you'll wake up talking to St. Peter about how nasty fish caught from the Sea of Galilee taste......"

Besides if I got caught, my brother would probably put me in Llano County Jail for a week for something I did to him in 1970. 

I'll do a lot of stuff for y'all. 

I still get up and pray at 4AM. Still have my list. ( If you need added, let me know.)

I'll marry you. ( Provided you're not going on husband/wife number 6.)

I'll speak at your funeral, be careful here, I might do 15 minutes of amusing stories about you. 

But don't commit a felony in the Hill Country and be asking me for help......Once again, my hypocrisy knows no bounds. My reply will be, " Feck you and the clap dripping mule you rode in on."